One Must Be Secure In Themselves To Be In A Successful Relationship
The right relationship will benefit all areas of your life. Finding someone who complements your quirkiness and makes you a more robust and happier individual is a beautiful experience. Real love IS powerful, but it starts with loving yourself first. You hear it all the time, 'love yourself,' and it sounds super-cliche, but every cliche has a truth. We aren't talking about loving yourself egotistically, like how you look and what you do for a career. It is confidence in the "real you" and knowing all your quirky characteristics are your superpower. It's significant self-reflection. You are asking yourself where you are self-sabotaging and putting on a facade. Where are you missing appreciation and gratitude? Where are you placing blame? Do your bad traits have anything to do with the outcome? Do you only want a relationship to fill a void?
If you don't have a strong sense of self, it's all too easy to get warped into social media's illusion that you are not enough and changing your identity, and dating someone equally as attractive will lead to love.
Dating apps are even scarier. Most are set up for physical attractions, frequently leading to meaningless one-night stands. With a swipe of a finger, your biggest void can be filled for a night or two. If you're lucky, a few months. Too many people are unknowingly getting comfortable with meaningless one-night stands or settling into something toxic to show off that "hot" guy or girl to their friends. And let us not forget the pressure if you hit 30. According to society, a woman in her 30s has absolutely no chance of finding real Love. When in fact, that is a completely fear-based perspective. The average age to have a kid is now 35, and study after study shows that marrying in our 30s decreases the chance of divorce and marriages end up healthier and happier. It makes sense. By our 30s, we are better communicators and educated mentally, physically, and spiritually. We have a stronger understanding of what Love requires.
Settling because you just hit thirty is ridiculous. Love doesn't have an age requirement, and it sure as hell isn't a photo shoot for your friends. Love is a commitment to become two stronger individuals that will make your lives and the lives around you better. Love itself is a teacher of many valuable lessons: patience, kindness, unselfishness, and confidence. Corinthians 13:4-13 Love never has been and never will be a way to fill a void. This cycle is very dangerous and rarely has a happy ending. A confident and self-assured person won't fall into these traps.
When there isn't a sense of self, the other person becomes more of a therapist than a partner. They must validate you over and over about who they think you are because you really aren't sure of yourself. It is selfish and exhausting.
You need to show up for yourself first. Prove you can make it alone. Love yourself completely. Know the good, the bad, the ugly, and most importantly, the beautiful. Doing this will protect you from jumping into a codependent relationship, and hey, if a relationship does fail, you know you'll be okay.
Signs That You Still Need to Work on Yourself
❤ You are insecure and need consistent validation of how attractive you are.
❤ You are afraid of doing anything alone.
❤ You feel that a relationship is the only way you'll be happy.
❤ You find the person you're dating more of a time constraint than a partner.
❤ You become an uncontrollable emotional wreck after breakups.
Single Life
Successful Single Woman by Choice.
If you should discover that marriage isn't for you and loving yourself is enough. That's okay too. There are many successful single women you can look up to as role models. Some of the greats of yesterday and today are:
Coco Chanel
"My life didn’t please me, so I created my life."
Coco is one of the most iconic women who understood the toxicity of being in an unloving relationship. She chose to stay single and built a fashion empire. She was an incredibly strong-willed woman who was fiercely independent.
Marianne Williamson
"Nothing binds you except your thoughts; nothing limits you except your fear; and nothing controls you except your beliefs."
While having a background as a self-help teacher since the 90s and Oprah Winfrey's spiritual advisor, Marianne has been single for most of her life. Marianne has developed a strong sense of who she is and the importance of "un-settling" that has allowed her to help millions of people with their own development.
